I'm kidding, of course. It was more like, I want to bake a cake and clean my room today. But that's close enough. Anyway, what's really important is that I failed. So if you're interested in what you can do to prove to yourself that you're completely unqualified to ever do anything domestic, just follow these simple steps...
Decide to bake a cake without having any ingredients or measuring appliances.
Also, make sure you follow a recipe with metric measurements, which you're completely unfamiliar with (it has to be authentic, right?). I didn't actually realize that I didn't have measuring spoons, cups, etc. until AFTER I had already gotten really pumped about this raspberry chocolate torte recipe I found on www.chefkoch.de. But since I had so much faith in my improvisational capabilities, I decided to continue on with my baking endeavor and make a trip to the store to gather the ingredients I didn't have on hand (ahem, all of them).
Fill your grocery cart to the brim, then try to carry everything home.
I figured since I was going to the store anyway, I would just grab a few things to fill my cupboard for the rest of the month. This certainly would not have been a problem if I lived right next to the grocery store, or if I had a car. Unfortunately, neither of those things apply to me, so I ended up waiting for the train for 45 minutes with my three giant (and heavy) bags of groceries.
Also, make sure you wear a sweater and jeans to the store in the blistering sun.
Attempt to hand wash your laundry.
This needs no further explanation. I clearly set myself up to fail.
Fortunately, the torte turned out to be wildly successful and saved the day, even though I had to use strawberries instead of raspberries (raspberry shortages, naturally). I finished off the night drinking champagne, eating torte, and skyping Rose and Catalina (guest starring Stephen Walsh!). It was great to see their faces/hear their voices/see them in their new habitat (37UP). By the time we finished catching up, I realized that baking an entire torte was, in reality, a really awful idea...
WHO'S GONNA EAT ALL OF IT?, I thought.
Terrified - and secretly a little excited - I thought the answer would have to be me. Alone. An entire torte.
But who wants to eat cake alone? (I'm having flashbacks to Matilda when they make the boy shove that giant piece of chocolate cake into his mouth, except that it would be me in a dark room by myself. No one to cheer me on.) Luckily, I dug myself out of that hole (and avoided an extra 10 pounds) by inviting some friends over to cook dinner and eat torte last night after work. We made spaetzle like real Germans (because they are real Germans) and then sat around and ate the torte, drank champagne, and talked about educational and cultural differences between Germany and America. Probably my favorite night so far here in the Schwarzwald. It felt like something I would have done with my friends back home (FAMBUSH, hollaaa), which was super comforting because everything has just been so foreign, and that felt a little bit more familiar.
More good news: I'm starting to get used to the keyboard at work. I now write "you" instead of "zou" on the first try. The only downside is that I'm starting to type "Germanz" at home. But I suppose that could pass as American slangz. Either way I'm not complaining because I know that getting used to the keyboard is a sign that good things will follow...und die Sonne wird scheinen!
leckere Spätzle und Zwiebeln